More Than An Asana Robot

Outside the Studio 37*F
Inside the Studio 99*F
Twelfth Class, Kelli leading


News from Kelli was that ZenSpot just received it's certification from the International Yoga Alliance which allows them, her and Michael, to begin teacher training. Wow! I am in my infancy as a chela (student) and I keep coming back to the idea of teaching.

I have wanted to be a teacher since some adult asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. There were some other options I had in the back of my mind, of course, but teaching has always been at the forefront. Teaching in the traditional sense, as in a school with desks and books and bells, was enjoyable when I was a teacher's aide at Argonne Elementary in San Francisco. I love and respect children so the job was easy to feel a natural affinity towards.

That was a longtime ago and going the route of university at my age does not appeal to me. I want quick results, before I get bored, because I am an Aries, which means I am impatient, but I am also a leader, and teaching is a career that Aries do well in. Aries are also energetic and extreme.

I'll find out more about ZenSpot's teacher training in January but let me remind myself right now: I am not ready for teacher training. I want to have a solid practice before I get involved with training. I want to study the philosophy and the eight limbs. I want to be more than an asana robot.

I'm still reading Yoga Beneath the Surface by Srivatsa Ramaswami and David Hurwitz. I'm having a hard time remembering the Sanskrit terms and following the depth of knowledge these guys are operating in. So I skipped to the asanas chapter (the Preface of the book invited me to skip around the chapters or follow straight through, whichever was right for me) because it's what I am familiar with. As I hear the Sanskrit terms more and more, I will pick it up, but I don't want to learn terms in a mechanical way; I need to understand by experience or example of real thought or action, not concept alone.

So...there was a moment when I thought I would not go to class this afternoon. My husband had my car and the roads had been icy. Suddenly it was a half an hour before class and I called him. He was home within a few minutes and I headed down to Oak Street.

Front row again! And I stripped my body of the tank tops that I have been drenching in sweat. Not easy. Like I've said, I have a belly-belly. It's not a giant, it's not 20-something. It's exactly what a 40 year old belly should look like. Well, I wore tiny strappy bra things and it felt like I sweated more today than ever before, but didn't have a tank clinging to my skin. Staring at yourself in a mirror for an hour with your body very exposed is a dance in a psychological soup of delight, embarrassment, ego, ego-freedom, joy, worthiness, fright, and so much more. Try it sometime.


When you find out who you are, don't stop searching.

Outside the Studio 44*F
Inside the Studio 99*F
Eleventh class
Lead by Micheal


Knowing that I show up to the studio sometimes when there is no scheduled class, I double checked the ZenSpot website today. When I got to the studio, the place was packed. I looked at the clock thinking I was late. There was one spot open so I put my mat and drink down. I was going to be in the front row again. Eventually we all settled in and began the exposition of yoga.

There were quite a few newcomers, part of the reason it was so full, and I have to say that each and everyone of them made such great efforts to bring their inner yogini/yogi out. It is a hard class, no joke. Even though I am familiar with the asanas and have been practicing since January, the workout is not easy for me. But it is wonderful. I hope that these newcomers will find something about hot yoga that really turns them on and that they will continue to practice.

Bound Forward Fold, also known in Sanskrit as Ardha Baddha Padomottanasana, where I wrap one arm under my thigh towards the back and the other arm comes back over my hip to reach fingertips with the first hand, is becoming easier. But Ustrasana did not come to completion today. I even told myself I could do it before attempting to do so. I got one hand to an ankle but that right hand could not reach the right ankle. No Camel today. C'est la vie!

A lady stopped me in the grocery store the other day; she recognized me from class and asked how I was doing. It was nice to connect with her and I appreciate being recognized. Sometimes, though, it's hard to honestly be present when someone from class starts talking to you in the parking lot and you're still dripping with sweat and just want to get in the car and they're going on about how yoga has changed their life and "Kelli and Michael are the most amazing instructors, and ya, and I can't read the physical signals your making to communicate that you're ready to move on...so I'll just keep talking." I understand that some people are chatty, some are lonely, some go to yoga to socialize, but some are very respectful of space and sound, and I like that.

My experience, in ten short months, has made me question why I continually find the same quadrant of a room to practice: back, left corner. What is it about this particular space that I find comforting or familiar? Numerous practitioners I've spied have this same habit of choosing the same spot to lay their mats. Are we so stuck in our ways that we don't even question this reoccurring positioning? I want to know what this means! Is it training from school, where we were expected to sit at "our" desk for 16 years? Are we scared to move our mats? How did the ancient yogis decide where to practice?

I can make it to two more classes before Thanksgiving but there will be quite a stretch when the studio will be closed. Can't find my current issue of Yoga Journal. I hope I will make time to practice during the break. Contemplating vegetarianism...

Feeling great today. I wonder why...it couldn't be the lack of sleep or my sciatic nerve or the eight hour shift I worked or missing a nap or folding two loads worth of laundry or going grocery shopping or getting the dogs walked or making sure the hens are still alive or getting the first holiday card in the mail.

Oh, I know: it was the yoga!

Front Row "Nah Mah StayyYyyah"

Inside the Studio 99*F
Outside the Studio: Perfect
Tenth hot yoga class
Lead by Kelli

Super awesome sixty minutes. The studio was packed so I was asked to move to the front row of the room. The front row is typically reserved for more experienced practitioners so that others may watch them or look to them for direction. I've never been in the front row where there's a mirror so I got to see me up close today. Made balancing and concentrating easier.

Another ustasana and a very well balanced standing bow pose. Kelli's leading ability and my response to her teaching style have really helped me make improvements.

It was one of those classes where I felt really in control of my body and could actually see better alignment in my postures, thanks to my proximity to the mirrors.

My sciatic nerve didn't bother me for one second. And it was smelly in the studio again. I washed my towel today so I hope it wasn't me. Likely it was just everyone. What are you going to do? When sweat is dripping from your shins and every pore of your body, multiply that by over a dozen people and there is going to be some funk in the air.

After some pranayama, as we prepped for savasana, the Loud Lady of this studio belts out, "Namaste," is this crazy sing-songy way that made several of us laugh. It was perfect. It had been a humorous class and I appreciate the sense of laughter we can share there.

When I walked out of the door, I felt cleansed and joyful. The night air was perfect.

Ninth ZenSpot Class

Outside the Studio 55*F
Inside the Studio 97*F




I did it. The moment I knew we were going to attempt ustrasana, the camel pose (that I fear and loathe), I said to myself, "I can do this." And the truth was in my ability and strength to do the pose. And as if on cue, Micheal said to the class, "Just let go and don't think about what that pose was to you." In my proud joy, I was reminded to not become attached to that feeling or experience. I can do ustrasana in this moment but every moment is different.

There was also a moment of standing bow that I felt balanced and strong about this morning. In Sanskrit, it's called Dandayamana-Dhanurasana, and it's as hard for me to say as it is to accomplish gracefully. Even with a sciatic nerve threatening to arrest my movement for the day, going through 60 minutes of asanas was no problem. Now as I sit writing this, I am experiencing pain and uncomfortableness, not to mention a new headache.

Last Tamarack

Cars curving along 39th Avenue. The click of a clock. Inhales, exhales, mats coming into contact with the floor, that one loud lady bursting into a fit of laughter. Silence. Footsteps, whispers, another silence. There is the smell of candle wax and anticipation in the air. It's Friday night Happy Hour and our Dave has returned from LA to lead a ninety minute yoga class.

I missed Dave's last visit in September which was a 4 hour session of yoga philosophy, asanas, and pranayama (breath work) because I had gone to see the remaining members of The Grateful Dead, known now as Furthur, the night before. So this particular Happy Hour was on my calender for quite some time and I missed going to ZenSpot in the morning, knowing I would be practicing with Dave tonight.

I had my old membership card which expired in August but should have had one last class to my credit. They couldn't bring it up on the computer so Laurie (another instructor I've practiced with) ushered me in with no hassle or expectation of payment.

There was a hint of sadness in the air: the Tamarack Wellness Center is scheduled to close its doors in the very near future. I have not confirmed this with any Tamarack staff, I am just repeating what we were told by Dave. Tamarack is a non-profit organization that offers a 90*F saltwater ultraviolet sanitized therapeutic pool, swim lessons, many different yoga classes, Feldenkrais, breast cancer survivor support groups, Musikgarten for children, massage therapists and even behavior modification and stress reduction with a very qualified facilitator. Plus they can boast about having the second largest Solar Thermal Ray Heating System in the Pacific Northwest. Tamarack has served this area for thirty years but has been really struggling recently so the shut down is not a total surprise. Just a shame.

There was joy in the air: we were here practicing yoga with each other, in our familiar sequence of sun salutations and lunges, down dogs and sweet, sweet savasana. I experienced about quarter of a second of True Savasana as I laid there in the candlelight with the hint of a Japanese flute whispering its notes into the dim night air. I describe my True Savasana as a loss of struggling against thoughts. Sometimes it lasts longer but by the time I notice the experience, it's over because I'm noticing it. It is that in between, that nothing that is so hard to grasp.

In my second or third class with Dave and I entered True Savasana and literally saw Buddha in my mind's eye. No prompting, no wishful thinking, no lie. I saw Buddha. It's rare for me to get into "TS" since so often I'm thinking about food, dogs, work, tomorrow, yesterday, last Tuesday, the checking account, my shopping list, the oil change I forgot to get, the books I'm reading, something someone said, writing my blog...all these savasana-stealing thoughts that are worthless at the moment. My body can easily shut down into a relaxed state but this mind is just like yours: human.

In contrast to the hot yoga I've been practicing lately, Dave's classes are slow paced, very repetitive, relaxing, like a gently moving song that you didn't realize was playing until it's almost over, like a brain spa.

Purpose Potential Freedom

Outside the Studio 54*F
Inside the Studio 98*F
Eighth class, Kelli instructing


Three words stood out to me while reading an article in a yoga magazine: to connect to the highest purpose of my practice, I was welcomed to recognize my potential for stability and acknowledge my innate freedom. That was it. While reading and hoping to learn so much, the simplest reminder can be such a strong footing in the foundation and intention of one's practice.

Since I know what the Sanskrit printed on my towel means, I bow to it in child's pose to begin each class, setting my intention.

Today was a limber day for me. I feel like a warrior. Class didn't start out that way but I noticed that once my tank was not just damp, but wet, with sweat, everything got easier. I had warmed up obviously but it was more than just that. The energy I experienced during the entire day set the tone for excellent progress. I was again able to trust the Universe enough to do the Camel Pose!

I found a book called Hatha Yoga for Total Health by Sue Luby. I picked it up at the 50 cent table at the local blood bank in hopes of learning new asanas. No Sanskrit name are used in the book until the twenty-first chapter so everything has names like Pendulum Leg Swing, Nutcracker Pose and Split Standing Forward Bends. I find them almost as hard to remember as Sanskrit! Savasana, The Sponge, is instructed in 27 steps! Then there are 13 tips to follow!

Another book I recently started reading is Yoga Beneath the Surface, An American Student and His Indian Teacher Discuss Yoga Philosophy and Practice by Srivatsa Ramaswami and David Hurwitz. I think this read will open my mind and heart to the questions I have in terms of all things yogic.

What's So Sweet About Savasana?

Outside Studio 46*F
Inside Studio 96*F


Feeling a bit like warm jelly, I have safely returned home from my 7th class at ZenSpot. Difficult and exhausting sixty minutes it was. Though I feel tired in this moment, my body and mind have been energized by the 8 AM class. It's like getting batteries re-charged. Another way a classmate described it was this, "It's a physical dusting." That makes sense to me when I consider that our bodies are under constant assault from the environment, germs, stress, and the like. When the scale tips too far in the wrong direction, the body's defenses have to fight off all the marauders or succumb to illness. When we sweat and breathe our toxins out on a regular basis, "dusting," the bad stuff doesn't have a chance to pile up so deeply that the fighting strength (immunity) is compromised.

During class I wondered more than one time if I should have stayed in bed and gone to the 1 PM class instead. I didn't miss any sleep (daylight savings was the night before) but I made a huge dinner to share with some friends and we had wine and cheese into the night. In class I felt like I hadn't been there in awhile which was exactly the case. I went on Friday afternoon and saw Kelli and Micheal approaching the studio from the lot. They had come to check on some maintenance or painting project, not for class. I was looking forward to this workout but once again, there was none. So it had been four days since my last class. Too long. I can really feel a difference in my body if I go every other day or a few days in a row. Wait longer than that and all the hard work has to be regained - not literally, but the lunges and stretches are so much easier for me if practiced more consistently. Go figure.

I must say that I was stunned as a newbie at ZenSpot when people just jumped up after a moment of lying down and hurried out of the heated room. After sixty minute of high heat, heavy sweating and valiant efforts to contort the body in many directions, the reward comes...savasana. A chance to let it all go. As stated by psychotherapist and yoga teacher, Michael Stone, "Corpse pose exists in the middle space between sleep and effort...The architecture of savasana requires us to continually let the ground we are lying down on, literally the ground of our thoughts and our bodies, to fall away, until the constructs that frame our experience pass on. This is an act of both dying and being born. Our imagination makes us very busy exploring the world of choices. In the end, there will be no choice, just death. So in the center of your bumbling human life, where you are always looking around for something better, notice how the present moment is just a small death away." And I thought I was just laying there! Savasana can be so difficult because it asks us to do absolutely nothing. I feel nostalgic for the days at Tamarack when savasana seemed to go on for a solid 12 minutes. I could really relax then. Here everyone's quickly getting up, the doors are opening and closing six times per practitioner, and clearing the mind of its crazy ways is far from what's happening. I stay until my heart rate feels normal again and even then I would rather just bliss out in Nowhere Land/Savasana.

Showered, Dressed, Dogs Fed, Chickens Cooped, Time for Wine.

Outside the Studio 64*F
Inside the Studio 96*F

Another great class with Kelli. Limber Girl and I were positioned in the same spots in the studio today and I focused strongly on being free of distraction. I was very balanced in my poses and "in the now," as we say. When I'm at the dentist and something awful is being done in the mouth, I tell myself that even Buddha has to go to the dentist. Even though it isn't true, it helps me endure what must be endured; it lends me strength to persevere. I used this self-calming technique during my mammogram the other day, "If Buddha can have his teeth cleaned, I can have my breasts squashed." Of course Buddha never had a mammogram! But the inner strength and knowledge that transcends from him to me creates a focus point from which I can move forward in my practice, my life, and my pursuit of quieting the monkey chatter.

Have you seen the poster featuring Sri Dharma Mittra in 908 asanas? One in deep purple fabric is displayed on the back wall of ZenSpot. The original was produced almost thirty years ago by Dharma Mittra setting his camera's timer, running in front of the camera, getting into position and waiting for the click. He did that 908 times. Then he hand cut each image and pasted it onto a background board with the Om symbol and photographed the result. That's dedication!

The studio walls is painted 1983 Tidal Wave apple flavored bubble gum. Green, green, green...Love it! Two of my favorite colors: purple and green. Along the front wall are mirrors. There are no mirrors in Tamarack's yoga spaces. I find them very helpful in aligning ankles and arms, flattening the belly, and focusing on myself instead of looking around the room.

Another class tomorrow morning? I know I love it and practicing creates this peace, strength and power that I crave as a human. It gives me the chance to feel fulfilled, confident (or not confident, depending on my state of mind), healthy, and challenged. I love yoga because it is the only exercise program I can wrap my mind around. Get it? I never participated in sports or athletic endeavors after junior high school...until tai chi in college. Competition is not my cup of tea. I don't care who is better, faster, stronger. There will always be better and lesser persons than myself, like the Aesop fable told me. So let them compete, I'll kick it right here and maybe get down with some savasana.

Kelli Day

Outside the Studio 62*F
Inside the Studio 93*F



This amazing day:

The afterglow of winning The World Series...
Fearlessly getting my first mammogram...
Casting my ballot...
Posing in camel pose correctly for the first time in my life. Throw in a very excellent Bow Pose and I call this day a total success.

Kelli was instructing at ZenSpot this afternoon and that made me very happy. I haven't had a class with her since Jaime and I went to a few classes back in early September.

What is so wonderful about working with different instructors for yoga (or anything else, really) is that each instructor's style is different and if we can be open to differences in style, we become open to learn new ways of being, new ways of modification, and we can benefit from each person's energy in this way. Some instructor's energies are in alignment with your energy or close to yours. Some seem slower, faster, more rigid, too lax, etc, yet each instructor shares a magical beauty from their soul. I'm amazed by the giving in yoga, by the flow and creation of energy, the sharing.